Bureau of Demon Affairs CH7
Chapter 7: The Self-Cultivation of a Villain
"Leatherface" Killer. The title was a gift from local tabloids, likely penned by an author who had seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre one too many times, rendering the killer as a mythological boogeyman, with some rumors even suggesting he consumed the internal organs of his victims.
Zhou Xun detested the name. It mythologized a monster and turned tragedy into entertainment. Her job was to drag the creature out of the gutter and prove to the world that he was nothing more than just a common and vicious criminal.
She had finished a secondary sweep of Zhang Guangjun’s belongings and discovered his driver's license was missing. Since the license listed his home address, Zhou Xun’s suspicions were all but confirmed.
For now, they had to play the waiting game. They couldn't afford to startle the snake.
Thanks to the Immortal Lord, Zhou Xun actually had a chance to head home, wash up, and rest. Otherwise, she’d have followed her usual routine of living at the office the moment a case broke.
As she drove, she caught a glimpse of his flowing, ethereal ancient robes in the rearview mirror. "Would you like me to take you to buy some clothes?" she asked.
The Bureau would reimburse the cost anyway. Clad as he was, he was far too conspicuous—he looked like an actor who had just bolted from a period-drama set. If he was going to be shadowing her, he was an invitation for unwanted attention.
Shen Gongbao watched the pedestrians on the street and decided that, when in Rome, he should do as the Romans do.
For twenty years, Victory Mall had remained the heart of Baihe City. Shops came and went, but the grayish-white monolith stood firm. As they stepped into the crowd, the deity’s striking features, towering height, and eccentric attire drew eyes like a magnet. Zhou Xun’s social anxiety flared so she increased her pace, trying to put a tactical distance between herself and the spectacle.
Translator's Notes:
"Leatherface" Killer. The title was a gift from local tabloids, likely penned by an author who had seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre one too many times, rendering the killer as a mythological boogeyman, with some rumors even suggesting he consumed the internal organs of his victims.
Zhou Xun detested the name. It mythologized a monster and turned tragedy into entertainment. Her job was to drag the creature out of the gutter and prove to the world that he was nothing more than just a common and vicious criminal.
She had finished a secondary sweep of Zhang Guangjun’s belongings and discovered his driver's license was missing. Since the license listed his home address, Zhou Xun’s suspicions were all but confirmed.
For now, they had to play the waiting game. They couldn't afford to startle the snake.
Thanks to the Immortal Lord, Zhou Xun actually had a chance to head home, wash up, and rest. Otherwise, she’d have followed her usual routine of living at the office the moment a case broke.
As she drove, she caught a glimpse of his flowing, ethereal ancient robes in the rearview mirror. "Would you like me to take you to buy some clothes?" she asked.
The Bureau would reimburse the cost anyway. Clad as he was, he was far too conspicuous—he looked like an actor who had just bolted from a period-drama set. If he was going to be shadowing her, he was an invitation for unwanted attention.
Shen Gongbao watched the pedestrians on the street and decided that, when in Rome, he should do as the Romans do.
For twenty years, Victory Mall had remained the heart of Baihe City. Shops came and went, but the grayish-white monolith stood firm. As they stepped into the crowd, the deity’s striking features, towering height, and eccentric attire drew eyes like a magnet. Zhou Xun’s social anxiety flared so she increased her pace, trying to put a tactical distance between herself and the spectacle.
Suddenly, the Immortal Lord stopped dead in front of a massive billboard featuring male and female models in skimpy swimwear.
He stared with profound suspicion. "These people..."
Seeing he wasn't following, Zhou Xun doubled back. She expected the "Old Antique" to be embarrassed or to lament the decay of modern morality. She opened her mouth to explain, but Shen Gongbao beat her to it.
"These people have barely a stitch of clothing...are they all slaves?"
Zhou Xun was taken aback. "No! Look at their physiques, do they look like slaves to you?"
Indeed, they did not.
"Then what are they?" the deity asked again.
"Models."
"What is a 'model'?" He tilted his head. In the dimming light, his eyes shifted to a pale green. Color changing eyes, multi-colored hair... he’s basically a walking Mary Sue trope! Zhou Xun complained internally.
She racked her brain for an explanation. "A model... is someone who displays beauty to the world."
"Oh~" Shen Gongbao looked enlightened, though Zhou Xun doubted he truly understood. Then, his expression sharpened with wariness. "Surely, ben zuo is not required to dress like that, am I?"
"Absolutely not!" Zhou Xun replied at lightning speed.
He let out a visible sigh of relief and followed her into the mall.
Once inside, Zhou Xun’s eyes wandered. She hadn't been shopping in years, relying almost entirely on online shopping. The last time she’d been here was after her college entrance exams, when her parents had treated her to an expensive coat as a reward for her scores.
Inside, the stares only intensified. Zhou Xun dragged him toward a budget-friendly fast-fashion outlet and pointed toward the men’s section.
"Go pick something." She said as she promptly sat on a stool by the door and pulled out her phone.
Shen Gongbao took one look at the racks and scoffed, his face conveying that such rags were unworthy of his divine countenance. He pointed across the hall to an elegantly decorated boutique.
"Ben zuo wishes to go there."
Zhou Xun followed his finger and immediately shoved his arm down.
"No. That place is way over budget." Although the bureau would reimburse her, she couldn't choose something so outrageously expensive.
"Why not? Ben zuo can simply turn stone into gold."
It was a lost cause. Zhou Xun didn't have the energy to explain finance to a legal illiterate. "No means no."
Shen Gongbao’s eyes widened. If he were in his true form, his ears would have been pinned back in a "plane ears" hiss. Preposterous! Which of us exactly is the deity here?
"Hmph. If you insist on insulting Ben zuo with your atrocious aesthetic!" He jutted his chin toward the collar of her jacket, where a sliver of her 'hideous' purple pajamas was peeking out.
This guy...
Zhou Xun put her phone away. Ever since meeting him, she’d had a nagging sense of deja vu. Now she remembered. A few years ago, her aunt’s family went on vacation and left their cat in her care. In one week, the cat shredded her sofa, smashed her glasses, and spent his afternoons perched on the fridge looking down at her with pure, unadulterated contempt.
Yes. That's the feeling. The resemblance was uncanny.
She had realized then that she was not a cat person. Miao Wu was also a cat Demon, but he was a colleague. She didn't have to see him after 5:00 PM. She had sworn she would never live with a feline again.
Zhou Xun tucked her pajamas back into her jacket and maintained a deadpan expression.
"Since the Venerable Lord is so radiantly beautiful, surely even a burlap sack wouldn't diminish your luster?" She mimicked his haughty tone.
She stood up, walked to the rack, and grabbed a muddy-purple hoodie and a mustard-yellow shirt.
"See? These look great."
Shen Gongbao let out a sharp intake of breath. He marveled at the "hell-tier" taste of the woman before him. He was a refined gentleman of the Yin-Shang Dynasty, he wouldn't touch those "corpse-colored" garments with a ten-foot pole. He pushed her aside and selected his own pieces.
Zhou Xun smirked. As the saying goes: If you tell a Chinese person you want to tear the roof off, they’ll suddenly agree to let you open a window.
* * *
After the ordeal of shopping was finished, they headed to the parking lot. Zhou Xun felt like she was forgetting something until she saw the swimwear billboard again. Oh, right. Underwear.
She hesitated. How would she even explain the necessity of undergarments to an ancient god? If she didn't, what exactly would he be wearing under those new trousers?
Her mind provided a brief, unwanted mental image, and she immediately wanted to scream: MY EYES! MY EYES!
However, her conscience won out. She pointed at the poster and gave a cryptic explanation. Shen Gongbao’s emerald eyes shimmered with an "I knew it!" look of triumph.
"Aha! So you do wish to see ben zuo dressed like that!" He smirked. "You simply wanted to humiliate this Lord!"
Zhou Xun suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Fine, whatever. If he wanted to go "commando" in public, I'm not going to stop him.
* * *
Following the address Duan Zhiyan had given her, Zhou Xun realized with a headache that the deity lived in the building directly opposite hers—same floor, same unit layout. Her dream of post-work personal space died a quiet death. She was now officially a 007 employee, basically on call 24/7.
The apartment was a modest two-bedroom, well-stocked with essentials. Zhou Xun gave him a tired tour, specifically pointing out the gas stove and warning him never to touch it.
Shen Gongbao pointed at the TV on the wall. "Release the tiny people within. I require entertainment."
Slave-society mindset at its finest, she sighed. She flicked on the TV. The first channel was Animal Planet, a nature documentary.
[Spring has arrived, and as the earth awakens, the season of mating begins...] The narrator trailed as the screen showed several lions on the savannah engaged in courtship.
Shen Gongbao slowly turned his head to look at Zhou Xun, his gaze filled with suspicion. Zhou Xun broke into a cold sweat and changed the channel at light-speed until it hit a kids' network.
"Anyway, rest up. I'm leaving." She bolted out the door, pausing only to pull his curtains shut.
In the living room, a group of brightly colored Teletubbies began to dance.
Shen Gongbao gnashed his teeth. Cursed woman! He had spent thousands of years trapped in the East Sea, staring at seafood until he wanted to vomit. Now that he finally had a breath of fresh air, this female human was trying to lord it over him!
Before his rebellion, he was looked down upon by humans under the Kunlun sect. If he came out only to be bullied by another human, then what was the point of rebelling in the first place?
His mind raced. His power was restricted—less than a tenth remained—and his true physical body was still wedged into the Eye of the North Sea. Before his imprisonment, he had released his mount, the White-Fronted Tiger. It was time for the beast to be useful. He needed to reclaim his power, smash the Eye of the North Sea, and take back his body. Once that was done, who could stop him?
As for this wretched human... Hmph. The cold-blooded Shen Gongbao was no saint.
He would play along for now. But once he had his freedom, he would make sure she was thoroughly "handled".
Shen Gongbao stared at the dancing Teletubbies and let out a low, sinister laugh.
He stared with profound suspicion. "These people..."
Seeing he wasn't following, Zhou Xun doubled back. She expected the "Old Antique" to be embarrassed or to lament the decay of modern morality. She opened her mouth to explain, but Shen Gongbao beat her to it.
"These people have barely a stitch of clothing...are they all slaves?"
Zhou Xun was taken aback. "No! Look at their physiques, do they look like slaves to you?"
Indeed, they did not.
"Then what are they?" the deity asked again.
"Models."
"What is a 'model'?" He tilted his head. In the dimming light, his eyes shifted to a pale green. Color changing eyes, multi-colored hair... he’s basically a walking Mary Sue trope! Zhou Xun complained internally.
She racked her brain for an explanation. "A model... is someone who displays beauty to the world."
"Oh~" Shen Gongbao looked enlightened, though Zhou Xun doubted he truly understood. Then, his expression sharpened with wariness. "Surely, ben zuo is not required to dress like that, am I?"
"Absolutely not!" Zhou Xun replied at lightning speed.
He let out a visible sigh of relief and followed her into the mall.
Once inside, Zhou Xun’s eyes wandered. She hadn't been shopping in years, relying almost entirely on online shopping. The last time she’d been here was after her college entrance exams, when her parents had treated her to an expensive coat as a reward for her scores.
Inside, the stares only intensified. Zhou Xun dragged him toward a budget-friendly fast-fashion outlet and pointed toward the men’s section.
"Go pick something." She said as she promptly sat on a stool by the door and pulled out her phone.
Shen Gongbao took one look at the racks and scoffed, his face conveying that such rags were unworthy of his divine countenance. He pointed across the hall to an elegantly decorated boutique.
"Ben zuo wishes to go there."
Zhou Xun followed his finger and immediately shoved his arm down.
"No. That place is way over budget." Although the bureau would reimburse her, she couldn't choose something so outrageously expensive.
"Why not? Ben zuo can simply turn stone into gold."
It was a lost cause. Zhou Xun didn't have the energy to explain finance to a legal illiterate. "No means no."
Shen Gongbao’s eyes widened. If he were in his true form, his ears would have been pinned back in a "plane ears" hiss. Preposterous! Which of us exactly is the deity here?
"Hmph. If you insist on insulting Ben zuo with your atrocious aesthetic!" He jutted his chin toward the collar of her jacket, where a sliver of her 'hideous' purple pajamas was peeking out.
This guy...
Zhou Xun put her phone away. Ever since meeting him, she’d had a nagging sense of deja vu. Now she remembered. A few years ago, her aunt’s family went on vacation and left their cat in her care. In one week, the cat shredded her sofa, smashed her glasses, and spent his afternoons perched on the fridge looking down at her with pure, unadulterated contempt.
Yes. That's the feeling. The resemblance was uncanny.
She had realized then that she was not a cat person. Miao Wu was also a cat Demon, but he was a colleague. She didn't have to see him after 5:00 PM. She had sworn she would never live with a feline again.
Zhou Xun tucked her pajamas back into her jacket and maintained a deadpan expression.
"Since the Venerable Lord is so radiantly beautiful, surely even a burlap sack wouldn't diminish your luster?" She mimicked his haughty tone.
She stood up, walked to the rack, and grabbed a muddy-purple hoodie and a mustard-yellow shirt.
"See? These look great."
Shen Gongbao let out a sharp intake of breath. He marveled at the "hell-tier" taste of the woman before him. He was a refined gentleman of the Yin-Shang Dynasty, he wouldn't touch those "corpse-colored" garments with a ten-foot pole. He pushed her aside and selected his own pieces.
Zhou Xun smirked. As the saying goes: If you tell a Chinese person you want to tear the roof off, they’ll suddenly agree to let you open a window.
* * *
After the ordeal of shopping was finished, they headed to the parking lot. Zhou Xun felt like she was forgetting something until she saw the swimwear billboard again. Oh, right. Underwear.
She hesitated. How would she even explain the necessity of undergarments to an ancient god? If she didn't, what exactly would he be wearing under those new trousers?
Her mind provided a brief, unwanted mental image, and she immediately wanted to scream: MY EYES! MY EYES!
However, her conscience won out. She pointed at the poster and gave a cryptic explanation. Shen Gongbao’s emerald eyes shimmered with an "I knew it!" look of triumph.
"Aha! So you do wish to see ben zuo dressed like that!" He smirked. "You simply wanted to humiliate this Lord!"
Zhou Xun suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. Fine, whatever. If he wanted to go "commando" in public, I'm not going to stop him.
* * *
Following the address Duan Zhiyan had given her, Zhou Xun realized with a headache that the deity lived in the building directly opposite hers—same floor, same unit layout. Her dream of post-work personal space died a quiet death. She was now officially a 007 employee, basically on call 24/7.
The apartment was a modest two-bedroom, well-stocked with essentials. Zhou Xun gave him a tired tour, specifically pointing out the gas stove and warning him never to touch it.
Shen Gongbao pointed at the TV on the wall. "Release the tiny people within. I require entertainment."
Slave-society mindset at its finest, she sighed. She flicked on the TV. The first channel was Animal Planet, a nature documentary.
[Spring has arrived, and as the earth awakens, the season of mating begins...] The narrator trailed as the screen showed several lions on the savannah engaged in courtship.
Shen Gongbao slowly turned his head to look at Zhou Xun, his gaze filled with suspicion. Zhou Xun broke into a cold sweat and changed the channel at light-speed until it hit a kids' network.
"Anyway, rest up. I'm leaving." She bolted out the door, pausing only to pull his curtains shut.
In the living room, a group of brightly colored Teletubbies began to dance.
Shen Gongbao gnashed his teeth. Cursed woman! He had spent thousands of years trapped in the East Sea, staring at seafood until he wanted to vomit. Now that he finally had a breath of fresh air, this female human was trying to lord it over him!
Before his rebellion, he was looked down upon by humans under the Kunlun sect. If he came out only to be bullied by another human, then what was the point of rebelling in the first place?
His mind raced. His power was restricted—less than a tenth remained—and his true physical body was still wedged into the Eye of the North Sea. Before his imprisonment, he had released his mount, the White-Fronted Tiger. It was time for the beast to be useful. He needed to reclaim his power, smash the Eye of the North Sea, and take back his body. Once that was done, who could stop him?
As for this wretched human... Hmph. The cold-blooded Shen Gongbao was no saint.
He would play along for now. But once he had his freedom, he would make sure she was thoroughly "handled".
Shen Gongbao stared at the dancing Teletubbies and let out a low, sinister laugh.
Translator's Notes:
- 007: A Chinese slang term for working from 0:00 to 0:00 (24 hours), 7 days a week.
- "Mary Sue": a literary trope used to describe a character who is "too perfect"—someone who possesses unrealistic skills, unique physical traits (like naturally violet eyes or multi-colored hair), and an effortless charm that makes everyone in the story fall in love with them or gravitate toward them.
- Plane Ears (飞机耳): A term used to describe a cat's ears when they are flattened against their head, usually due to anger or irritation.
- Yin-Shang Dynasty (殷商): The historical setting of Investiture of the Gods.
- Eye of the North Sea (北海眼): According to myth, Shen Gongbao was punished by being used to "plug" a leak in the Eye of the North Sea after his defeat.
- Kunlun Sect (昆仑门下): The prestigious Taoist sect where Shen Gongbao and his rival, Jiang Ziya, studied.
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